Marissa Williams

Being a black woman is a constant struggle — it is not necessarily whether you choose to do the right thing when faced with obstacles, but that with each obstacle you grow into a better person,” said Shareefah al Uqdah, an NCCU graduate student who recently facilitated a discussion examining the definition of a woman.

Right now, the obstacle that faces every black woman is one they have given to themselves.

It is the burden of hating each other.

In the midst of that group of positive black sisters trying to define womanhood, I was jolted into thinking about when exactly black women stopped believing in sisterhood.

When exactly did we discard our quilt, our network of interwoven threads that are supposed to bind us together into an integrated whole?

Some ask if sisterhood can really exist amidst all the hate and back stabbing that black women now show each other. Some ask if sisterhood can exist when instead of having a sister’s back , women seem to prefer to stab it.

I say sisterhood better exist.

Being a black woman is hard enough without having to fight your support system too.

Black women have a history of surviving life’s worst trials. Right now, they are taking on the everyday battles of school or work, while filling roles as doctors, counselors and nurturers.

They do all this while the demons of discrimination and marginalization are knocking on their doors.

No wonder women look for an extra pair of hands from time to time, even if they do not admit it.

When women cling to their men, it’s a bond they crave, one that they can’t seem to find elsewhere.

Some women feel the solution is to have only male friends because “sisters are too trifling.” Others women choose to become loners.

But the routes of escape that black women look for all lead back to that same black woman who looks like you, feels like you and understands you — a sister.

Sadly, somewhere between the catfights and the tricks and the double-crossing and the backbiting, sisters lost their faith in each other.

They chose to survive on their own.

When our women suffer from an isolated lifestyle, every single one in society feels the consequences. Our mothers, sisters, wives and lovers need each other.

Men found out the trick to winning the battle a long time ago. There is no doubt that their brotherhood is tight despite their other faults.

Until black women bind together and become a force to be reckoned with, their efforts to break the glass ceilings prove to be insufficient.

Black women need to show each other love and support. It can start by simply being polite to each other.

For example, it won’t hurt to smile and say hello when you see a sister on the yard. I know I am guilty of being so absorbed in my own thoughts that I forget the value of that simple act.

Sure. Every black woman in this life won’t be your best friend, but picking apart the threads that bind us will leave this quilt of ours — our sisterhood — in a mess.